CHAPTER FIVE

And an Attitude

Realize the deep satisfaction of connecting with yourself and others.
Intentionally reach for that connection. 

 

Jay:  I see I need to develop more self-compassion and stop dissing myself, like, “Wow, way to go, Jay.  You really screwed that one up.”  That just makes me feel down, depressed, and angry.  I never even thought about getting in touch with my needs.  All I know is that I don’t agree with my actions.  This has been a major problem for me. 

Doma:  Every human being talks with their own inner soul.  People who talk with the inner soul before taking an action can know whether it is right or wrong to do something.  Such people are able to have good relationships and can handle conflict easily.  People who talk to their inner soul after the action will more often have regrets about what they have done. 

An attitude is the mindset, the core beliefs we carry with us into any situation.  The four NVC steps we have been working with rest on the assumption that people’s deepest satisfaction can be found by connecting fully to our own needs, including our need to be supportive to others in meeting their needs.  NVC and many others see the most basic energy of the universe as one of cooperation, connection, and compassion—that our hunger to give and receive these is our core motivator.

Maslow’s hierarchy suggests it is a process, a journey.  As one set of needs, such as safety, are met, we are drawn to address another group, such as belonging needs.  I personally find this journey exciting, terrifying and difficult at times, satisfying, painful, humbling, and fulfilling, and to me it is all worth it as I become more fully alive and find more compassion for myself and for others. 

Perhaps you already experience the satisfaction of connecting with yourself and others.  If so, you have noticed this is the underlying attitude in Connection.  If this attitude is less familiar to you, then Connection is an invitation to try this viewpoint on, walk this path for a while, and see if you like it.  At this point in your life, do you want to take the time and effort to get to know yourself better?  Perhaps you want to put more energy into better connecting with someone particular in your life?  Or you ready to improve the way you relate to people in general?  Only you know your priorities and your timing. 

The following exercises will invite your attention in those directions. 

 

sun
Our hunger to connect with ourselves and others

is more vital
than any communication tool we can learn.