Resolving Conflict Assertively






  1.     Become aware of tension and discomfort.

  2.     Breathe and get grounded.

  3.     Listen to yourself.  Find underlying feelings and needs.

  4.     Check your attitude.




  5.     Share topic and intention.  Agree upon time and place.




  6.     Sit down, get present, and repeat your intention. 

  7.     State concisely your concern and invite their response.

  8.     Listen—seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

  9.     Listen—get all of their feelings, needs, and concerns on the table.

10.     Breathe, slow down, and check your attitude.

11.     Speak—get all of your feelings, needs, and concerns on the table.



12.     Summarize the needs of both parties and write them down.

13.     Brainstorm possible strategies and write them down.

14.     If it is major, give it time.  Wait for further inspiration.

15.     Decide on individual and joint next steps.  Try them out.

16.     Check back on how it is working.




17.     Start over again if it does not work the first time.