HOME

WHY
THIS BOOK?

TABLE OF
CONTENTS

SAMPLE PAGES
& EXERCISES

HOW TO
ORDER BOOK

WHAT
READERS SAY

WHO IS
THE AUTHOR?

CONTACT
THE AUTHOR

RELATED
WEB SITES

WHAT'S NVC?

 

 

 

Table of Contents

 

 

DIALOGUE WITH READER  on book, Marshall Rosenberg, students, and author

 

Part One:  The Basic Tools = Four Steps & an Attitude page 5

 

CHAPTER ONE              Observations     page 9

 

    Changing evaluations into observations

    Importance of using observations

    Five suggestions for increasing use of observations

 

CHAPTER TWO              Feelings     page 23

 

    Feelings contrasted with thoughts

    Lists of feelings 

    List of evaluative words frequently confused with feelings

    Do we have a choice about what we are feeling? 

    Five suggestions for noticing your feelings

    Working with difficult feelings 

 

CHAPTER THREE          Needs     page 35

 

    Lists of universal needs 

    Three stages in becoming assertive with your needs

    Difference between needs and strategies

    Abundance of strategies

    Using needs awareness to move from evaluation to compassion  

    Five suggestions for increasing awareness of needs 

 

CHAPTER FOUR            Requests     page 51

 

    Differences between demands and requests

    Components of effective requests

    Non-negotiable matters

    Requests for connection often precede requests for action

 

CHAPTER FIVE              And an Attitude     page 63

 

    Releasing endorphins with an attitude of gratitude

    Claiming a more choiceful life

    Working with enemy images of others

    Tricks of the mind that perpetuate conflict

    Deeply honoring two sets of needs = win-win solutions 

 

 

Part Two:  Grounding Through Self-Care     page 79

 

CHAPTER SIX                 Self-Care, Nurturing Body and Brain     page 83

 

    Observations—Understanding your brain structure

    Feelings—Calming your overloaded feeling by breathing 

    Needs—Taking care of your vehicle

    Request of Yourself—Create a first aid kit 

    And an Attitude—Beam me up, Scottie

 

CHAPTER SEVEN          Self-Care, Doing Inner Work    page 95

 

    Observations—Tracking yourself

    Feelings—Transforming painful memories to needs awareness

    Needs—Finding your needs under your judgment 

    Request of Yourself—Envision what would enrich your life

    And an Attitude—Noticing satisfying actions

 

CHAPTER EIGHT           Self-Care, Taking Action     page 109

 

    Observations—How your life is going?

    Feelings & Needs—Using needs-based decision-making

    Request of Yourself—Make deliberate choices of self-care

    And an Attitude—Saying and hearing “No” in  connecting ways

 

 

Part Three:  Communicating for Connection     page 125

 

CHAPTER NINE             Listening for Connection     page 129

 

    Observations—Avoiding communication barriers

    Listen for Feelings & Needs—What’s alive in the other person?

    Request of Yourself—Translate:  hear all complaints as requests

    And an Attitude—Cultivating your deep listening skills

 

CHAPTER TEN               Talking for Connection     page 149

 

    Observations—Remembering your audience and being choiceful

    Find and Sometimes Share your Feelings & Needs—Being aware

    Requests—Ask for the kind of listening you would like

    And an Attitude—Investing more effort in one relationship

 

CHAPTER ELEVEN        Dealing with Anger in a Connecting Way     page 165

 

    Observations—Looking into the heart of your anger

    Feelings & Needs—Managing your anger in daily encounters

    Requests of Yourself—Differentiate between stimulus and cause

    And an Attitude—Anger is contagious; so is compassion

 

 

Part Four:  Moving Into Action     page 181

 

CHAPTER TWELVE       Resolving Conflict Assertively     page 185

 

    PREPARE   

1.  Become aware of tension and discomfort.

2.  Breathe and get grounded.

3.  Listen to yourself.  Find underlying feelings and needs.

4.  Check your attitude.

 

    INITIATE   

            5.  Share topic and intention.  Agree upon time and place.

 

    DIALOGUE

            6.  Sit down, get present, and repeat your intention.

            7.  State concisely your concern and invite their response.

            8.  Listen.  Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

            9.  Listen.  Get all of their feelings, needs, and concerns on the table.

            10. Breathe, slow down, and check your attitude.

            11. Speak.  Get all of your feelings, needs, and concerns on the table.

 

    RESOLVE

            12. Summarize the needs of both parties and write them down.             13. Brainstorm possible strategies and write them down.

            14. If it is major, give it time.  Wait for further inspiration.

            15. Decide on individual and joint next steps. Try them out.

            16. Check back on how it is working.

 

    UPGRADE 

            17. Start over again if it does not work the first time.

 

Examples         page  200

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN    What’s Next?     page 209

 

    What have you learned?

    What are your goals? 

    Closing suggestions 

 

APPENDIX                              page 213

    Recommended Books and Other Sources of Information 

    Universal Feelings                                    

    Universal Needs 

    Resolving Conflict Assertively 

    Acknowledgements 

    About the Author